A Writer’s Grace

I’m late.  (not PREGNANT… just late, at life – everything, but specifically, this blog is late)

We set a blog post deadline. We give ourselves this deadline and ask that we keep to it as practice… practice in professionalism. How will we ever be expected to meet submission deadlines, editing deadlines, a launch deadline if we cannot keep to our own blog schedule?

Then my brain starts to hummmmm… maybe I shouldn’t be a writer, maybe I don’t have what it takes, why is my brain so foggy, maybe this is that pesky-peri-menopause thing again, perhaps this is all just too much, I’m letting everyone down…

I’ve known the due date for weeks… MANY weeks in truth. How? How did I fail to get it written?

I enjoy writing these blogs. Very much so.

I’ve got every excuse in the world and yet no perfect excuse. I knew the deadline. I saw it coming.

Sure, I was on vacation. Sure, I was busy caring for others, then pretending to care for myself. Sure, I was distracted by family obligations, a sudden health scare with a beloved family member, the completion of a memorial for a deceased furry loved one…

I was immobile, incapable, tongue tied… is this, dare I say, writer’s block?

What is that even? Does writer’s block really happen or is it just our own selves getting in the way?

Can I not just be stuck?

How is it that as we age we can still learn more about ourselves? How can we have been in our own skin for all these years and still possibly discover more?

I’m diving into figuring out my brain, listening to myself, and addressing my stress and you know what… that is stressful!

sigh… and then, maybe I just need to give myself GRACE.

GRACE /ɡrās/ – courteous goodwill

The grace to be late. The grace to ponder and collect myself.

As writers, there will come a time when you will need to pause, reflect, give yourself grace, and then dive in again.

I’m learning how to find my motivation when it runs low. I’m learning about how my brain works and how when it isn’t working, how to jump start it.

As a part of getting unstuck, I’ve made it a goal to do things I’ve been putting off (this blog is one of them… lol). I’ve had a memorial prepared for a beloved family pet, sitting in my cupboard for over 2 years. Yup… talk about denial and serious procrastination. I finally pulled it out and took it to the location of where we lost him to a tragic farm accident. His trail in our forest was un-walked for many months while we all grieved his loss. It is time to close the circle, so I finally gathered the dogs and we hung Jasper’s sign.

His sign reads, “How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

Perhaps moving forward, and getting unstuck means doing one hard thing at a time.

Then I wonder, how can GRACE and meeting deadlines exist together?

I’m not sure I have all the answers. Maybe we need to surround ourselves with the people who will understand. I’m now adding that to my list of potential agent questions: “What happens if I am late for a deadline?” For today, I’m giving myself grace. I’m going to visit Graceland and start by noting how far I have come instead of what I have failed to do.

So far:

• I have written novels. Whole completed books (yet unpublished… but we’re working on that).
• I’ve attended writing conferences and retreats.
• I’ve been a productive and positive critique group member.
• I’ve pushed myself out of my comfort zone, mingled, and met new people when I was terrified.
• I’ve pitched my novel to agents live and over the computer!
• I’ve queried.
• I’ve been rejected.
• I’ve participated in online pitch events – over the last week I pitched my novel in #questpit and got 58 author likes!!! I even introduced myself to the writing community. I’m doing my best to interact in a genuine way and to make real connections.
• I’ve written blog after blog, ON TIME I might add (although a couple were late).
• I’m published, in no less than 3 story collections.
• I’M ONCE AGAIN QUERYING!

And so, I’m not giving up, today I am a writer and… I finished this blog. 

“Thank you. Thank you very much!”