What comes to mind when you read the words “Iconic Friendship” in the title above?
For me, I think of the people in my life who would do anything for me, no matter what I asked of them (even if I requested help to make a body disappear). They would not question me because they know I would never ask for assistance unless it was absolutely necessary.
If I had a sister, I’m one hundred percent positive she would be the one I would call. She would kill someone for me without hesitation and tell no one about it, and I would do the same for her. Unfortunately, I was only blessed with one sibling, and my brother would not break the law for me, no matter how I repaid him. Yeah, he’s one of those no-rule-breaking-kind-of-guys who thinks committing a crime is wrong (unless our mother asks him to do it, then he might consider it).
As for my old high school friends—the ones I have known for many decades—they would also do anything for each other and for me. We are a magnificent sisterhood bonded together by shared history and memorable experiences. We have lost four wonderful friends from our group over the years for various reasons: suicide, a snowmobile accident, a brain aneurysm, and chronic kidney disease. We have attended each other’s weddings, baby showers, birthday parties, funerals, supported divorces, and just showed up unexpectedly at random family gatherings ~ always welcomed, too.
Of course, as with most high school friends, there are some years when you lose touch with each other because you are busy running a household, holding a full-time job, and raising kids. But no matter how much time passes, you can still run into these friends and realize that those several years instantly melt into mere minutes. You pick up the conversation like no time is missing in between at all. It’s like magic.
I spent a weekend in Haliburton with my high school girlfriends recently, which had me thinking like a writer. The truth is that when you are a writer, your brain never truly shuts off. It is always on full speed ahead, thinking, planning, repeating the continuous question: “What if…?”
I have known these girls since I was a preteen, and one of which I have known all my life. Lucky for me, their iconic friendship with me is similar to the friendship between the two female protagonists in the movie, “Thelma and Louise,” where they push their friendship to the maximum level with their “ride and die” attitude. I can’t help but smile being surrounded by friends like that. I can ask them anything, and they never think I’m weird, because they know that’s just who I am.
Usually, I hang out with other writers because they understand my passion for writing stories. Most non-writers don’t understand why writers ask random questions. They do think writers are weird. I mean, I did ask my girlfriends a few surprising questions that made them laugh as if I was joking around. But I truly wanted to know their answers, so they shared their thoughts with me without judgment. My mind never stops me from asking questions like:
- “What is your biggest fear?”
- “What is your biggest regret in life?”
- “What is one dream you still want to accomplish?”
- “What was the worst thing that ever happened to you or anyone you know as a child or teenager?”
- “How about the best thing?”
- “Have you ever chewed tinfoil on purpose?”
- “How many times do you poop in one day?”
I appreciated their honest answers. I stored the information in a part of my brain to possibly use later, when I am writing a novel about friendship and catastrophic events this summer on the island. Honestly, I naturally fall into the question-asking thing without even thinking about it. I’m a curious cat, and it is part of who I am. However, when Sangrias, Cosmos and Mojitos are involved, my mind gets a little bit fuzzy, and I might be writing down the tidbits in my notebook wrong anyway. Ha! I usually avoid alcohol because I dislike hangovers that last a week, but when I am with my longtime girlfriends I am full-throttle with the sugary cocktails! I feel safe having loose lips with this crowd, because they already know my secrets. Ha!
Forty-plus years ago, our high school girls’ weekends consisted of loud and rowdy parties, sleepovers where we didn’t ever sleep, boy-talk, high-fives, ass bumps, fist bumps, hand stands, cartwheels, dancing, drinking, swimming, debates, and laughter… lots of laughter.
In real life, just like fiction, some friendships fade and falter, ending in an explosion of “I-never-want-to-see-you-or-hear-your-name-ever-again-because-you-are-dead-to-me-until-you-die-you-mother-facker.” This is okay. There are plenty of other people to replace these people in your life. No regrets. Just shake it off and move on.
Some friendships are rock solid and bulletproof (mine are in the photo above). No matter what has happened or how much time has passed, they will always be ready to flash you a smile, squeal in delight when they see you, and scream your nickname at the top of their lungs (even if it is ridiculous to hear that silly name at the age of 57). This is a beautiful thing. These people are keepers, and you should never let go of them. They are your besties until the end of time. You are lucky to share a special connection with them. This is the kind of relationship that is fantastic to find in fiction.
This year, our girlfriends’ reunion weekend was spent in Haliburton, in a beautiful cottage nestled on the shoreline of a gorgeous lake. Despite planning some activities, we still danced to 80’s music, discussed old classmates and former high school teachers, and reminisced about our friends who died too soon. We had planned to get matching tattoos to bond us until we all die. Still, we decided we shouldn’t make that kind of painful decision while intoxicated. We did take a morning ride into town to find the tattoo place closed. We strolled through the vintage stores in search of cool surprises such as shiny red combat boots, several pairs of retro sunglasses, and cheap hardcover books. Not that I needed another book, but I found a copy of RED DRAGON. I have been searching for that one for decades. I paid the two bucks and hugged it all the way to the Jeep. You couldn’t pull the smile off my face all day.
So, when we returned from town, it was just like when we were teenagers. We spent the rest of the day eating, drinking, dancing, hot-tubbing, swimming, boating, and laughing, as if nothing had changed at all (other than the fact that we are all going grey, gained a few pounds around the middle, and each of us has two to four children, plus a few of us have grandchildren already). To be clear, we had a sober driver and his girlfriend pick us up at the dock and take us for a scenic boat ride on the water. We do not drink and drive. However, in fiction, you might write the drinking and driving into your story and have things go terribly wrong for everyone. Bad choices always make a great read.
Writing friendships with strong emotional connections into fiction is hard to do. If you make your characters too perfect, they won’t feel real. The reader won’t sense the emotional connection that is running through each of the friends. You want the reader to have sympathy, empathy and feel the weight of the difficult choices behind each person’s actions when they face problematic situations that are morally wrong. They sometimes make stupid choices if they feel they need to support their friends. The conflict between friends is real. Everyone gets along great unless you accidentally push their button on a certain topic that should be labeled off-limits. It depends on the person how they react to a subject that is a touchy one. So think about the buttons. Each person has one. Explore it. Make notes. Discover ways to use the buttons to stir up conflict in the story. This will push the friends into doing something they wouldn’t normally do.
Another way to approach writing friendships in fiction is to select a few characteristics, mannerisms, habits, and eccentricities from people you know. Choose little quirks, ticks, or phrases that make them unique. Jot them down. These little golden nuggets are perfect for weaving into your novel and making your fictional characters come alive. It is good to be more specific with the details and in-depth character work to make them feel real. However, I don’t recommend using real names, places, or circumstances that can identify the person in your fiction.
To be fair, I told my girlfriends I was writing a novel about friends where something goes completely wrong, and something terrible happens when they are teenagers. Then, I expect to have the fictitious friends meet later in life when they are forty or fifty years old. They still don’t want the wrong thing to be uncovered because it would ruin what they have going on in their life now in 2023. Unfortunately, I have no idea what that something is at the moment, but they were helping me brainstorm some ideas of all the possibilities. It should be fun to write this. Friendship and family relationships are my favourite things to write about.
Here are some questions to ask yourself to help you with examining the iconic friendships you are trying to portray in your fiction:
- How and where did the friends initially meet?
- What made them stay friends?
- What are some of the inside jokes they share with one another?
- Is there something that one friend does that gets on everyone’s nerves?
- Have they ever had an argument or a fight over something? What was it? Was it ever resolved?
- Where are your characters from? Where did they grow up?
- What are the age differences? Does this help or hinder their relationship?
- What are their views on religion, finances, and/or politics?
- Do they attend family gatherings? If not, why?
- Is this a new friendship in the book or one with history?
- What are their favourite activities they like to do together? What about the least favourite? Does this cause conflict?
- What does each of them do to annoy the other friend?
- Would one betray the other for money? Greed always causes conflict.
- Is one jealous of the other friend for dating their ex, their brother, or having sex with their teacher, their father, etc.?
- Does one secretly love the other’s spouse, now in 2023? How did that happen? Did they know one another before?
- Would one risk jail time to provide an alibi for the other?
Honestly, I could list questions all day long to further the friend relationships and figure out the conflict to add in fiction. However, it doesn’t always have to be conflict. It could also be a secret crush on one of the boyfriends. It could be a number of different connections like jealousy or greed. It is your job as the writer to dig deep and discover all the possibilities.
Also, think about the stakes in your fiction and how this relates to the friendship in the plot. The friend can’t be part of the story just to relay information to the reader. Each friend needs to have wants, needs, and desires, too, just like the protagonist or the antagonist. Do the friends share the exact wants, needs, and desires? Or do they want different things? Are they competing for the same item? Or are they working together? Will it push them to choose between what they want and their friendship? Add some conflict to push the boundaries of the friendship. Will their friendship survive in the end? Did something happen to make the friendship end too early?
An iconic friendship includes someone you can rely on. You should know that they will keep their promise to you. You should be able to rely on them to show up for you when needed. These friends have proven they will show up for you in the past. They will continue to do so because you are a priority to them, even when push comes to shove, and they might lose something important to them. The dilemma must be believable, and the reader needs to root for someone to succeed or go down in a flaming pile of dog poop. Make the reader feel something, and they will keep flipping pages until the end of the story… and then demand more. Isn’t that how this novel writing thing works? Ha! Fans demanding more of your words. So, get writing.
As I mentioned above, writing truly believable friendships in fiction is hard. The good news is that every reader has a friend, so they can relate to what you are writing. Friendships can be complicated or as simple as two friends sitting on a raft, floating down a lazy river through a dark forest, not realizing they are surrounded by the enemy, until it is too late. Will they both survive the journey? Maybe only one? Maybe neither? I guess it will come down to the way you tell your story… with a bit of betrayal or total loyalty until they die?
How will you capture the iconic relationship in your story? I can’t wait to hear your answer.
