Sometimes, I resist trying new things, for fear of failure, but eventually, I force myself to do it. Sometimes, I regret the decision instantly and other times, I surprise myself.
All my writing friends know that I hate participating in writing exercises. Those on-the-spot moments where an instructor snaps her finger and says, “We have five minutes, let’s write something with the words: Baby, Police and Dietary Fiber in it. Go!” And, of course, she also mentions we will be reading the exercises out loud. Seriously, I’d rather stare out the window and count snails slithering by, than write something that will waste my time. AND, there is no way I want to read my drivel out loud into the room where every word can bounce back and hit me in the forehead, reminding me how stupid it sounds.
Well, last fall, I attended the “Turning Leaves” weekend writing retreat in Orillia with Writescape. There were optional creative writing sessions in the morning and afternoon that writers could attend and be challenged with writing exercises. I wasn’t interested in participating in any of that. I’m not a fast thinker or a fast writer. These exercises would not be for me. I thought I might take a nap instead.
Surprise #1: I attended ALL of the writing sessions (mainly because I heard there were free drinks, muffins, cookies, and fruit. I figured I could find a quiet place in the back corner of the room and eat my snacks while listening to everyone else share their writing).
Surprise #2: I wrote a poem (and it wasn’t that bad). Thanks to Gwynn Scheltema-Anderson for that exercise.
Surprise #3: I wrote a few new short pieces of fiction. Thanks to Ruth E. Walker for those exercises.
Surprise #4: I volunteered to read them aloud to the class. (AND I didn’t hate them.)
Yes, I was terrified to share my work, because of course, it’s really just a crappy first draft that I wrote in under five minutes. What do you think happened to me? Nothing. I didn’t faint. I didn’t vomit. I actually read in a loud (somewhat shaky) voice and it felt pretty darn good to share. People commented and I didn’t crawl under the table and hide, nor did I cry. Most of their comments were positive and encouraging. They wanted more of the story.
Surprise #5: Usually, those writing exercises are forgotten in a notebook somewhere, or thrown in the garbage… but, when I returned home from the retreat, I worked on one of the pieces that seemed to be the most shocking to the audience, and it made most of the listeners cringe a little bit. I expanded the 188 words I had written at the retreat into 1000 words, then edited the piece to 500 words for a contest.
Surprise #6: I was brave and entered it into the Geist Magazine Postcard Contest on January 15th.
Surprise #7: I made my own postcard with my camera and self-timer.
Surprise #8: I was naked. (My husband flipped out a bit because I was showing too much boobie. Oh well, such is life… it was mostly a hand shot).
Surprise #9: I decided to read my piece to a packed room at the Stephen Leacock Museum last Sunday. The Writers’ Community of Simcoe County had Literary Agent Megan Beadle visiting. Apparently, Author Molly O’Keefe (December’s WCSC guest) had pulled my name out of the hat to be a reader at the January meeting (I have no idea how my name even got in the hat, because I didn’t put it there). I HATE reading out loud to a crowd of people, but I did it anyway. That morning, I worried about it for the entire two-hour drive to Orillia, thinking I could just say I forgot my piece of writing (you know, lie about it to save myself some embarrassment)… BUT, I didn’t. I couldn’t lie.
Surprise #10: The room was half full of men (which never happens) and my piece was a controversial piece about abuse of women, abuse women do to themselves and other cringe-worthy things I won’t mention here.
Surprise #11: They had reactions to my story. Every single pair of eyes stared right into mine, while I read to them. Their body language and facial expressions told me everything I needed to know. It made me smile a little (when I shouldn’t be smiling). I thought I’d be scared, but I wasn’t. I read slow and deliberate, annunciating every word.
Surprise #12: I received applause (but, it is the polite thing for people to do). I smiled.
Surprise #13: People searched for me during the break, to shower me with questions and comments (I was definitely not expecting that). They wanted more of the story. They wanted it to be a novel (it’s not). They told me my voice was powerful, they were so moved by my words… and two of the men told me my story made them cringe to envision the scene, but they loved the story.
Surprise #14: My favourite comment was from an older lady who was visiting for the first time. She said, “Thank you for reading your work today, but I was completely horrified by your words. (I swallowed a big lump of uh-oh). Your voice made me shake some and I could feel some of that pain, as if it was happening to me. I didn’t like that. (Now, I felt guilty). But my, what a magnificent storyteller you are. (I grinned). Your voice just held me in my seat, waiting for everything to turn out okay. (Ahhh, then I smiled. That wasn’t so bad). Is that a true story about you?” (I think I mentioned it was fiction… FAKE NEWS! Ugh!)
Surprise #15: I’m feeling a little bit more confident, knowing that I can string together a few words that move people to a reaction. I want a reaction to my words. It doesn’t have to be good. I want my work to be controversial and to make people talk to one another, instead of staring at their damn phone. Talk to me, people!
Surprise #16: I signed up for the extended 5-day long writing retreat Spring Thaw by Writescape, just so I can torture myself by attending more writing exercises… and finding more time to write MORE words.
Surprise #17: I’m back to writing every single day, both in the morning and at night. Editing makes everything better. Not perfect, just better.
Sometimes, I wonder why I resist trying new things… because sometimes, it turns out okay. Or better than okay! I need to surprise myself more often. You do too! Stop resisting. I dare you to try something new this week. You may surprise yourself how good it makes you feel.
Great post, Lori. You do have a strong voice. Your writing certainly moved me. So glad you enjoyed the retreat and are writing up a storm. Good luck in the postcard contest, and see you at Spring Thaw!
Thank you, Gwynn! Guess what? I’ve actually been writing a few poems! Can you believe it? All thanks to you… and your little writing exercise. I even entered one into the Room Magazine Short Forms Contest in early January. It’s a long shot, but Ruth E. Walker says I can’t win, if I don’t submit. Ha! I’m listening to both of you! #smartwomen 🙂
You can’t get published either if you don’t send your work in to agents and publishers. So hip-hip-hooray for you Lori. So glad to read how you continued to work on what you started at Turning Leaves. See you in April if not before.
Yes, I’m laughing and shaking my head right now. Ruth, you know me well. I feel like I’m being scolded from afar. Yes, you are so right… the writers who continuously write and write and write, and never send their work out to agents or publishers, have no idea how many opportunities they are missing out on. Wait a minute, some of us do know and are frantically trying to change their ridiculous fear of hearing that their work might be crap. That would be me. I’m getting better at overcoming my fear and confronting this not-so-secret thing called “submitting my work”. If I don’t submit the answer will always be “NO”, therefore, it is time to hear what they have to say. Right? Hugs! See you in April, if not before. 🙂
Great to hear it! This week’s Writescape blog will be right up your street then. 🙂 http://writescape.ca/site/2018/01/one-way-i-write-a-poem/
That is a wonderful blog, Gwynn. I love how you break it down and explain how you get from the first idea to a first draft, then on to the edits! Brilliant! This helps me quite a bit. Thank you. I will try this exercise on the weekend. Look at me now, participating in writing exercises without being asked. I’ve come a long way, Baby! 🙂
Great post, and I’m not at all surprised by the way Writescape affected you. Many have had a similar experience. Writescape is THAT good. If I had the funds, I’d attend at least one a year, maybe both. #lotterywinningswhereareyou
I want to read all of those pieces. And I want to see that photo! :)Sandra
Thanks Sandra! I’m so happy you enjoyed the blog post. Writescape writing retreats are amazing! Last fall was my first whole weekend away with them, and I can’t believe it took me so long to sign up for one. Loved it! I’m looking forward to spending 5 days at the Spring Thaw Writing Retreat in April and I hope you win the lottery before then, so you can come too!
Big hugs to you, for saying you want to read more of my work! *smiling today, all because of you* 🙂
So glad you were surprised in so many wonderful ways!
Thanks, Diane. I was hoping my story might help other writers who experience the fear of sharing their work with other people. I’m definitely not cured by any means, as I’m still afraid to share my writing, but I’m trying to let go of the anxiety I experience and do it anyway. This time everything worked out for me and I was surprised by how happy it made me feel. I’m taking baby steps for now. 🙂
thank you for sharing. It’s easier to let fear (of anything) hold us back. I see hope for us all in the statement, “I did it anyway.”
So true, Mary. Fear is a distressing emotion that tricks us into believing we should be afraid… of what exactly, is the question. This was not a life or death situation, so I needed to be brave and strong AND TRY IT. Also, you have a great idea, now I need a T-Shirt that says, “I did it anyway.” Thanks for reading the post. Much appreciated. Hugs!