The End of a Decade: Glancing Back, Racing Forward

It is hard to believe, but another decade is ending in 16 sleeps!

Glancing back over the last 3, 650 days, I wonder what the hell I have been doing with my life? How did ten years just disappear in a blink?

Sure, as a mother, I’ve raised three wonderful children and sent them off to University: one is married and has a job, one is almost married and has a job, and my baby is currently wading through a whole bunch of biomedical science jargon that I can’t even begin to understand and always has a summer job. Obviously, education and jobs are important in this household. All three kids are smarter and more respectful than their mother and can handle the world without me. What more can a mom ask for? Seriously, that means I did my job as a mother.

But, as a writer… hmmm, that is a completely different story.

Over the last decade, I’ve written several novels (don’t ask how many, because it is completely embarrassing that my drawers are full of *cough, cough* at least 17 shitty manuscripts). However, I’ve decided this current novel in progress is THE ONE! It will definitely be my breakout novel (if I ever finish it). A couple of months ago, I bit the bullet and hired an editor. He is currently waiting on stand-by for me to hand over my manuscript, so he can tear it to shreds and make it 127% better. Yay!

I have 16 sleeps to hand it in, if I want to finish it during this decade… or I can wait 17 sleeps and start the next decade off with a BANG! by handing it in on January 1^st, 2020. Decisions. Decisions. Do it this decade? Or wait until the next decade arrives? What a difference one day can make.

Racing forward into a new decade feels like a New Year’s Eve celebration, doesn’t it? 

It feels like we can wipe the slate clean and start fresh. 

We can stop talking about all the unfinished, unpolished and non-submitted manuscripts shoved in the drawer (or sitting on a thumb drive somewhere) from a decade ago. 

We can stop talking about the huge pile of short stories (both fiction and nonfiction) and poetry submissions that were rejected.

Instead, we can concentrate on a fresh decade full of all the newness that is about to happen. Obviously, we can’t change the past, so let’s charge forward and change the way we are doing things. Let’s finish our shit and continue to submit. And by that, I’m really talking to myself by saying, “Lori, finish your shit and continue to send your words out into the world!” 

Glancing Back

So, while I’m glancing back at the decade about to disappear forever, I wanted to reflect on a few meaningful moments on being a writer for me:

A good moment: Published my first story in 2011. Made ZERO dollars, but damn it felt good (even though they missed a full paragraph in the middle of the story when it was published).

A good moment: Published my first story in a Canadian Chicken Soup for the Soul Anthology and earned my first $200 with my writing in 2014. Making money on my writing felt even better.

A bad moment: Received my first rejection on a story that I loved, and it hurt like a freight train hitting me at the speed of 300 km/hr.  It took forever for me to recover enough to write something creative again.

A great moment: Received my first fan mail (from a stranger) in 2014. They wanted to know where they could read more of my work. I was floating on a cloud for hours until I realized I had nothing else to offer them.

A fantastic moment: My 13-year-old nephew (a non-reader), sat down and read my first story published in a Canadian literary magazine about a teenage boy and his troubles. He laughed. He said, “That was good. I really liked it, but I didn’t know you could say the word PENIS in a real magazine.” I was over-the-moon happy that he actually took time away from his video games to read it, and that he enjoyed it.

A horrible moment: Pitched to my first literary agent at a Pitchfest in New York City with my Thriller novel. It took less than 30 seconds for him to say he hated my idea. We disagreed about having adults in a YA (Young Adult) novel and he was adamant that he wouldn’t be able to work with me. I felt like puking. What a failure I was. I stopped writing YA novels.

A happy/sad moment: Pitched to a literary agent who loved my novel idea (same novel as above; same Pitchfest) and she talked with me for over 30 minutes (when we were limited to only 3 minutes total). She wanted the novel immediately. It wasn’t ready. I effed that up! I felt happy and sad at the same time. Anxiety took over my thoughts and it has never left my side since. I shelved that novel and moved on to a different novel (although those characters are still nudging at me from time to time, so it might not be gone forever).

A depressing moment: I’m leaving work to go on a 5-day writing retreat vacation and my boss says, “Oh, are you still trying to do that writing thing? I thought you would’ve had enough sense to give up on that by now.” Both my brain and heart registered the fact that I was a huge failure. I felt sick. More anxiety. Still, to this day, I hear his voice floating through my mind on a weekly basis. Sad, but true.

An overjoyed moment: During the debut book launch of one of my best writing buddies, nearing the end of her acknowledgement speech to a huge crowd, she gave me a huge honorable mention. She thanked me for so many things, including being her self-appointed manager with so many great ideas, good advice, support, constant publicity on social media, and for being her faithful sidekick in all our NYC adventures on our mutual path to becoming an author. I felt so excited and happy for her. She made it! And, I felt thrilled that I contributed something to her success, even if it was only in a small minuscule way. Plus, she is one of the people pushing me to finish my novel. * grinning * I love people like her!

Overall, this decade was filled with many memorable moments… I tried to outweigh the good moments over the bad moments in the examples above, but honestly, there were way more bad moments as a writer in this decade (so many rejections and self-doubt moments), which I hope will change to more happy moments during the next decade.

Racing Forward

I have some amazing writing buddies at all different levels in their writing careers. What I have noticed is they support each other no matter what, whether they are an inspiring want-to-be author or a best-selling author that has 40-books under their wing. Each of them will agree that being an author is hard. There are many days full of stress and anxiety, and very few days without. Every day is full of self-doubt and uncertainty. This puts me at ease knowing I’m not alone.

The BEST ADVICE of this decade from other authors:

“If only you can believe in yourself half as much as others believe in you, you’ll make it. Keep going. Keep writing. Keep editing. Keep submitting. Just go for it! It will happen!”

My best advice to me (and you too, if you need it): “Take note of the advice above and follow it. Don’t worry about what other people think about you or your work. Just sit down and write… and finish your shit! Then send it out.”

Cheers to the next 16 sleeps of this decade! I hope you make them memorable.

Then, take a moment to think about what you will do with your clean slate for the next amazing decade… 10 more years of doing something you love! Anything is possible. Stay passionate about something! And FINISH YOUR SHIT!

Happy Holidays… and good luck to you in the new decade!