When Your Struggles Become Golden

As you get older, struggles become real and shit starts to happen to you (not just to writers, but to the entire population).

Without getting too personal—and grossing you right out—I can tell you that not every orifice in your body is made for bleeding. If it does happen (blood seeping out of a hole it’s not supposed to), that is NOT normal. Lucky for me, this started to happen to my body. You’ll see why I say lucky, instead of unlucky quite soon.

THEN:

I waited three weeks before calling the doctor’s office because seriously, I was just hoping it would stop or disappear. Silly? I know. 

As a writer, my mind came up with 767 reasons for this unusual bleeding. All writers do this, right? Make up stuff? Come up with reasons or scenarios for shit happening to them or to other people? So, after three weeks of suffering, I made an appointment for the following week. 

Almost four weeks after the appearance of random blood showing up where it didn’t belong, I casually mentioned it to my doctor during our meeting.  She freaked out and questioned why I would wait so long to come in. I said I didn’t want to bother her with trivial things, and I didn’t think it was an emergency. I said I’m invincible like Wonder Woman. She didn’t laugh. 

I added she should be happy that I refrained from googling all my abnormal symptoms because that causes all kinds of other stressful anxiety I didn’t need right now (recently diagnosed with high blood pressure). She still didn’t laugh. Not even a smile. I finished off by saying that all I really needed was some quiet time away so I could finish my damn novel, but my husband made me call her before I could leave for my vacation.

She stopped our conversation and picked up her cell phone. She called her friend, a surgeon working over in the Owen Sound emergency department and he asked to see me immediately. 

I stayed calm and made the 30-minute drive while listening to an audiobook, RISING STRONG by Brené Brown. This is a self-help book about the physics of vulnerability that stresses the fact if we’re brave enough often enough, we will fall. (And, I felt like I was falling. Fast and furious.) Brené mentioned that we need to own our stories and make them our own, especially stories about disappointment, failure, and heartbreak. These stories will give you the power to write daring new endings. To struggle will be the greatest call to courage, and to rise strong will be the key to this.

After waiting in the Emergency Department for over two hours, surrounded by real sick people, the young Norwegian surgeon stepped out of critical surgery to discuss my situation with me. Long story short, I was being booked for exploratory surgery ASAP. Unfortunately, my body needed one week of prep time to make it happen. This sounded okay until I heard the details.

Bottom line, I was being forced to start a strict diet, AND only five minutes into this diet, my stress level hit 110%. Everything I normally consumed during a regular day was now restricted. No more eating nuts, seeds, skins, raw vegetables, broccoli, etc. It was a low-fibre diet, which meant nothing good would enter my tummy for over a week. All I could think about was my plan to leave in two days for a 5-day all-inclusive writing retreat with the Writescape gang at the Elmhirst’s Resort on Rice Lake… the place that has food fit for Royalty to visit. Damn. 

NOW:

Fast forward to the 5-Day Writing Retreat concentrating on the “THEN & NOW” workshops. New words are appearing for me at the speed of a seagull swooping in to steal a french fry off my plate (if I was allowed fried food, but I’m not). Amazing words are being scrawled throughout three different notebooks. I’m penning the words by hand to allow the release of all my creative energy to flow out onto the page. This method of writing works great for me. As I’m reaching for a large, fresh strawberry, I retract my hand as if I’ve been stung by an angry bee. 

“SHIT! I can’t eat that beautiful delicious strawberry.”

The struggle is real.

This got me thinking. In order to put more restraint on one of my characters in my novel, I need to make them go through what I’m going through now. How perfect is this? I have someone to share my pain with. If I experience angst and frustration, and turn it into a humorous moment, why can’t I make someone else go through it with me?

I chose a character from my novel and started weaving symptoms into her storyline. She receives a trip to the hospital emergency department, where she spends more time with Criminal #2. He’s already there for another reason, so now I’m making a connection between them that turns out so much better. It gives me a logical reason for my ending, plus it allows me to take the character development one-step deeper, by learning something more personal about her. Everyone struggles with something (including my fictional characters).

Sometimes, writing from your perspective about something you’re struggling with, helps you to cope with the situation and at the same time, it provides you with authentic material for your novel. Golden material! Everyone assumes you are writing fiction, and you are, but you can sprinkle truth throughout the pages and they’ll never know (unless you tell them).

Did I mention today is my birthday? 

It is. My birthday present to myself is another 5-day writing retreat with the Writescape gang at Rice Lake, just like last year. If this interests you at all, read my blog: The Best Writer’s Birthday Gift.

Anyway, even though I may be struggling with life issues a bit right now, this retreat is giving me much-needed time to work on my long-overdue novel. What better birthday present is there than to receive quiet writing time, sunshine, and a comfy cabin nestled beside the rippling waters of Rice Lake? Jealous? You should be. It is FABULOUS here!

I’m sure you’re not jealous of my other magnificent birthday presents: the looming exploratory surgery of a colonoscopy and endoscopy scheduled for this Wednesday. Ha! Who would be? My husband gave me a surprise party for two before I left for the retreat. Check out my present! Isn’t it beautiful? This is the Snapchat he sent the kids, so they wouldn’t feel left out, since they are scattered across south-western Ontario.

Even though this whole health situation is unlucky for me to experience (and I feel special for receiving it for my birthday and all), but in the end, I’m feeling a bit lucky that I have now found a new way to make my novel better than before. It is singing!

My advice to you (provided you are a writer too), is to think about something personal you are currently going through, whether you are struggling with your health, or you’re frustrated with the government and their new cost-cutting measures to libraries, or you have a flooded basement and your bookshelf is floating and your books are drowning… whatever you’re experiencing right now, take your knowledge of your story and add some emotion to it. Tell it like it is and then…

WRITE THAT SHIT DOWN!

Apply it to one (or more) of your characters in your novel to make it more interesting and unique. I guarantee it will give your novel that special spark that will appeal to many different people. Maybe your struggle will help someone going through the same ordeal? Maybe your struggle will push your novel into being a bestseller status? Whatever the reason, I think you need to go for it. What do you have to lose?

Abso-freaking-lutely nothing!

Happy writing!

AND, eat the damn strawberry knowing I can’t have it. Enjoy!