Mark Twain said,”Don’t say the old lady screamed, bring her on and let her scream.”
“It was near midnight so I went out and moved my car into the driveway.”
I’m fond of telling people that when you’re writing, you always show and never tell what is happening. The statement above is telling, not showing. It tells every boring detail of a boring event in a brief and concise way.
And there is no picture in your mind, or not much of one. Someone put their car into the driveway, because it’s not supposed to be on the street after midnight. I’m yawning now. And I wrote it.
What makes the difference between telling and showing?
The difference is in the picture that springs to mind. For instance, in the statement above, there is no picture in the readers mind that represents the phrase “It was near midnight …” because that’s not something you can picture.
But what about if you said “As the snow again started falling in earnest and the midnight time of the ticket dragon approached …” instead. Okay, maybe not the best written statement, but did you you see a time? Did you feel the need? Was there an invitation to experience an alternative to the reality of reading?
Doing should be done!
“… so I went out …” is about as exciting as “… the paint dried.” And the truth is that there is an action there, and it should be active. This is passive. In fairness, it’s in the middle of a pretty passive statement, but it doesn’t need to be carried, it could be made to carry it’s own water.
Let’s try “… I shoved warm feet into undone boots and dashed out in shirt sleeves …”
Man, I felt the chill
Maybe you didn’t run out in shirt sleeves, maybe you snuggled into a parka and added a warm hat and trapper’s mitts. Maybe you were in your StarWars pajamas and your pink bathrobe. The point is, paint a picture, create a scene, show the colour,
Last chance …
“… and moved my car into the driveway.” So there’s action, maybe a bit of a picture, but no one is compelled to picture such a mundane task. And you’re asking why you should bother making anyone look at a picture of you moving your car into the driveway. And I’m saying this, because if they don’t watch you do that, they’ll still be skimming when you slip on the ice and break your hip, or when you hear on the car radio that your business downtown is on fire, or when you just walk back into your house and go to bed to end the best or worst day of your life. If your reader hasn’t been watching it all, if they’ve only been reading it, if you’ve only been telling them, they probably closed your story and went to sleep a while ago.
“… slipped in behind the wheel, felt the cold creep into my hands as I fishtailed my old rusting sedan into the haven of the half shoveled drive and raced back in before the cold could infect me completely.”
This or that?
“It was near midnight so I went out and moved my car into the driveway.”
“As the snow again started falling in earnest and the midnight time of the ticket dragon approached, I shoved warm feet into undone boots and dashed out in shirt sleeves, slipped in behind the wheel, felt the cold creep into my hands as I fishtailed my old rusting sedan into the haven of the half shovelled drive and raced back in before the cold could infect me completely.”
Tell? Or show
You choose.
