I’m not writing. I’ve been busy. (Aren’t we all?) I’ve taken on a new job of teaching two courses. Preparing to teach was a steep learning curve for me. And I’ve been travelling. Not far–all within a three-hour drive. But enough that it’s disturbed my regular writing practice. And we’ve had company. But that’s summer.
The only antidote to not-writing, is writing. I’m a firm believer in journals and morning pages. I’m a student of the Natalie Goldberg and Julia Cameron method of writing–just getting it on the page. Now that I’m back in my routine, I’ve gone back to my morning pages.
But it hasn’t been all busy-ness, keeping me away from my writing. Doubt has crept in. I’ve spent many years working on craft, soaking up every book I could find. (But now there are far too many to keep up with!) I’ve attended workshops, gone to readings, and read many books along the way. (That’s the best part.)
And over these years there are times I’ve had epiphanies and thought, This is it, I understand what it takes to write a novel. And then I’d learn a ton more. I was so naive when I started this journey. But here I am again, thinking, This is it; I know what it takes.
The only problem is, I’m not sure I have what it takes. I’ve gotten cold feet.
Can I take all that I’ve learned and translate it on to the page? Can I so carefully craft my words that I manage to foreshadow and connect images, all at the right pace to keep the conflict rising, maintaining the tension of what-happens-next? I know what I need to do, can I do it?
Sometimes when we look at an idea head-on, we can’t find the nuance, make it grow into a more flushed-out concept instead of something that just lies on the surface in plain view–like a fish gone belly-up. We have to step back and see it in a different way.
In astronomy we have a term, “looking with averted vision”. When you’re trying to find a faint galaxy or star cluster, you can’t always see it straight on. You must look slightly away so the sides of your eyes captures the light from distant time. The rods and cones on the edges of your eyes are more sensitive. They can see what can’t be seen by looking at it directly.
And sometimes when I stare at my novel too long, I must look away, come back to it from a different perspective. So I start with my morning pages, connecting pen to page. A lot of times it’s about nothing but what goes on in my head. But I’ve gotten it out, set some intentions, cleared the clutter of my mind so I can get back to my novel.
There are all kinds of ways to find inspiration to write. My writers group inspires me. A bunch of people with busy lives, families, day jobs, all kinds of stuff going on. Yet they take time to write. I look at them with awe and see that it can be done.
There are no end to online resources, writers’ blogs, workshops, and masterclasses. These can get you going when you’re stuck. Setting deadlines, entering contests, writing your own blog, all offer opportunity to keep the pen moving. The more we write, the more we invite ideas to enter, find new ways to approach things and dig a little deeper.
And that doubt, well that’s just my old friend, resistance. I know what I have to do to keep that away: Just keep writing…
